Some Endings

On Tuesday I start work at my new church. I'm trying to decide whether to go over tomorrow and start unpacking some of the 15 boxes of books in my office so that I'll be prepared to do something else on Tuesday. Today I preached at Christ and St. Luke's in Norfolk. It's the church where I went from being a stealth parishioner to being a postulant for Holy orders. It's a beautiful church with wonderfully warm, supportive people. It was good to be back and good to close my time there before starting my new job.

I feel quite disoriented. Though I know that I will soon have a schedule of some sort and all of my boxes will get unpacked, and I will know where to find my things. Though I'm back where I have some old friends, and I'm sure I will soon make news ones. Though I'm home in the South where I belong, even if it is 95 degrees every day and there are gigantic roaches in my new home. Still, I feel betwixt and between as another seminary graduate said to me today. My house is great, but it still feels like I'm living in a stranger's house. Through all the distraction of moving I've been able to forget that I'm starting work this week and that people are actually going to expect me to have learned something in seminary!

I start my new ministry this week, and though that's incredibly exciting, it's also terribly daunting. Someone told me today that my call shines out all the time, every minute of the day. Someone else who is in CPE told me that she has discovered it doesn't really matter how inadequate we may feel, when the time comes to be there for people, we're enough. I hope so.

"The former things are passing away. I am about to do a new thing. Do you not perceive it?" Yes, God, but it's hard to let go of the former things when we're not so sure what the new thing will be.