Stupid Hazing Ritual

As some of you may have guessed, I received my GOE scores in the mail. I took them with me to therapy and opened them there. Seemed like a good idea. I failed more than I passed. 3 passes, 4 not. I've decided to just be pissed. I don't feel like feeling bad about me. I've done enough of that. This is a stupid hazing ritual, and quite frankly I think the church should do better by the people it's sending out to do the work of Christ. Instead of shaming potential priests just before they go out into the world by essentially showing them that their seminary education didn't help them, the Episcopal church does a serious disservice to its clergy and its congregations. We should be healing people, not shaming them. We should be building up clergy, not tearing them down.

In a sick and twisted way I feel validated. Many people told me I had done fine, they knew I had done fine. No matter how much I said that I didn't do fine, people contradicted me. The four that I thought I did poorly on were the four that I did poorly on. The fact is that I will never have to do timed essay writing in my ministry. Is it possible that I'll have to answer hard questions in my ministry? Of course. Is it okay if I don't have all the answers? Yes. God has called me to do this work, not the National Board of Examining Chaplains. God has equipped me to do this work, and clearly God didn't think that answering timed essay questions was a necessary gift. I don't think Jesus or Paul really mentions them either. Actually they're not in the scriptures at all. Or the Creeds. Yup. Pretty much they're a stupid hazing ritual, and no one's sense of self-worth should be damaged by them. Sadly it will be. Sadly many people have been damaged by these things. It's time for a new way of evaluating seminarians. This way has failed. I don't even give it a 1. On a scale of 1-4, I give it a 0.

End of rant. For this moment.