The Year of Anger

Perhaps this is the year I'm going to be Angry Lauren.

You know what pisses me off? When people sit at dinner with me and tell me in fairly condescending tones about how I haven't learned to say No. Now I admit that I'm not very good at it, but they go on and on about how when I'm a senior then I'll learn the word, No. In the next breath they tell me about things that I need to do which are not in any of my many job descriptions. When I explain to them that No, I will NOT be doing those things, they insist that I can't say no to those things. They can't have it both ways!!!! I like being competent, but I hate that my competence causes people to dump more and more things on me because they know I'll actually get it done. I hate that my competence is a source of frustration for me. No, what I hate is that people take advantage of my competence.

It is the second day of class. I have spent the first two days alternately being pissed off and being overwhelmed. No matter how many things I have successfully accomplished, there are piles more. It is the second day of class and I have already had my first crying jag of frustration. This is really why I've been terrible at keeping in touch with people. Seminary seems to put me in a perpetual bad mood. I just keep wondering how I can think this is what I want to do when I seem to be so miserable doing it.