Play Church

Last Thursday was my day to preside and preach at a Eucharist service in my Play Church class. We call it Play Church because it's the class where we learn how to do all the things that priests and deacons do for services, but obviously we're not able to really celebrate a Eucharist, so it's still pretend or "play."

My service didn't feel pretend. It was a profound experience. I set it in Seabury Lounge instead of the chapel so that we could have our chairs in a circle and face each other. Les, the deacon, and I sat in the circle with everyone else. We had a table at one end and a lectern at the other. The gospel was about the man born blind. I preached a sermon that made me feel very vulnerable because I talked about the pit I've fallen into with regards to the GOEs and how I've found it so hard to climb out of this pit or see past the blindness of my wounds. I talked about the shame and failure I feel, despite all the good things that are about to come to pass. And then I got to preside at Communion. In my prayer before the service, I asked God to be present with us, and that truly happened. I got chills while we were singing the Offertory Hymn as I looked around at the whole group. I couldn't even really remember what I was supposed to be doing, but I was completely present, and I completely felt like I was where I belonged. The service was very healing for me, and several of my classmates said it was for them as well.

I am grateful for the opportunity I had to catch a glimpse of what it will be like to be a priest and past these hoops. The funk still lingers at moments and probably won't dissipate until I have time to actually do my "remedial work," but at least the dark cloud has lightened some, and I know it will pass.