Blessings of Illness

Tonight was Lessons and Carols at Seabury. I was the MC which means that I planned the service with the help of our music director. Unfortunately I was sick, so I could not sing with the choir. I have been sick all three years for this service, and last year is the only year I could fully participate. One of my friends came up to me in tears at the end of the service because she recognized this is our last time to sing this here, possibly our last time to be in a choir for L&C, and I started crying with her. I tried to sit and enjoy the music and sing when I could, but I couldn't help feeling left out and slightly pitiful that I couldn't participate fully in the service I'd planned. It was a beautiful service.

I decided I should think about the blessings of being sick. After all, I got to go to the service and see it. My first year I was too sick to even attend. Being sick helps me be more compassionate towards other people who are sick. It also helps me not take health for granted. After 3 weeks of being almost non-functional, I have a lot of empathy for those who are sick. Being sick forces me to slow down and not worry so much. I feel too bad to work, so I don't stress about getting work done. I just keep canceling everything. Asking for extensions. Skipping commitments. I've completely caught up on bad tv and Christmas special watching.

It's snowing tonight, and I'm grateful for email. Being sick is lonely, and email has enabled me to stay connected with the outside world. It's also allowed me to take care of some responsibilities that otherwise I would have had to ignore. It was so lovely today to go to chapel and have people hug me and talk to me. Even if it wore me out and sent me back to bed. Soon, soon this should pass. I hope.