Sayonara Sacristy

Well, this week I resigned from my job as lead sacristan. My resignation has been accepted "with regret" by the dean and the professor of liturgics. This job has dominated my time and energy and contributed heavily to my stress level since this time last year. I finally decided, after much discernment and many tears, that I needed to let go of this enormous responsibility. Ordinarily the job is a 3 year commitment, and it is an honorary position as well as a paid job. I have another huge job, Liturgical Coordinator, so it's not like I'll be totally slacking off, but I think it was a really important step for me to take in assuming agency in my own life. I've tried so hard to make it work out, but it's so much like stage management, and it's time for me to explore some other skills. I will remain in the sacristy until the end of the quarter in order to train the new folks, but I am feeling such a sense of peace and hope knowing that I can finally let go of this job that has been like the albatross around my neck. I've learned a lot and had some terrific experiences, but it's time to let go.

Of course I have been terriby afraid of everyone being disappointed in me, but I have been pleasantly surprised by the support I've received. The Dean came in last night and said, "You have my permission to abandon ship!" I love the fact that he just isn't anxious. Other faculty members and students have also cheered me on as I struggled with this decision. I am grateful to be in this place where I can learn to make hard decisions in relative safety.

For a long time now I've been feeling called to "do" less and "be" more. Priesthood for me is most importantly about being able to be present to people, but much of the time my need to be competent and get every little detail accomplished gets in the way of me being present. Hopefully this is a step in that direction.